Monday, August 04, 2008

The Foundation Of Love

Relationships demand nurturing. There is a common fallacy among men that once you've got the girl, then the work is over. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It's amazing how many guys work hard to woo a woman, then stop doing all of the things that won her heart. I happen to be a firm believer that if you slip, you'll fall, and when you fall, there's a good chance that you may not recover.

There is a process to building strong relationships. And the format is not unlike building a good home. You start with a foundation. A good foundation is the concrete that holds things together in the event of a storm. In relationships, that foundation is open and honest communication, mixed with common interests and goals. That's not to say that two people have to share every interest, but acquiring the ability to accept the differences, while building upon the shared interests helps to frame the relationship.

There must be a willingness to grow beyond self, and be develop a "we" mentality. Too often, guys want to continue living their lives as they always have, when the woman is screaming for attention. If the relationship is important, then it must become the priority. Otherwise, why enter into it in the first place. Far too many relationships build upon "sex" as the foundation, with little else to hold it together. Sex is certainly an important part of the frame work, but building upon it as the foundation is like building on the San Andreas Fault. The minute disaster hits, everything crumbles.

The most essential ingredient of a strong foundation is love. I'm not talking about a strong "like", or a sexual obsession. I mean something that can be felt even when sex is not the issue. That feeling of selfless commitment to give of oneself without reservation. It includes having the desire to continue doing those things that won her heart, even when you've already got it. The desire to make her happy, because her happiness is essential to your happiness.

I am ecstatic about my relationship. Let me say that again, I am ecstatic about my relationship! But, I also know that in order for me to remain happy, then I must keep her happy. We've established a strong foundation, and we're continuing to build upon it. But, we do have obstacles. We both know what the obstacles are, and we're willing to apply both patience and determination to get through them. We've uncovered enough that we love about each other to form a bridge of trust and open communication. And we encourage each other in our passions.

Now, If I could only get her to quit being so smart alecky...

by Terry Marsh

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